Madre of Angelica

*Updated below

Angelica is at that age (5) where she is starting to ask more questions about her first family. Our discussions usually occur before bedtime as we have story-time. We will lay in her bed and talk about her artwork from preschool that is plastered on her wall or we will chat about her day, a movie or the long wait to bring her baby brother home, etc. Oh, and lots of hugs and kisses. She chooses 2-3 books each night for me to read to her and sometimes she will choose one of her many adoption related story books which then brings about the many questions of her adoption and first family. It is the perfect opportunity for me to share with her all most of what I know about her first family. She will explain to me how she loves her Guatemala mommy and that she would hug and kiss her if she saw her again (I tell her I would do the same.) We also have a story book about how babies are created and the birth…this also brings up the topic of her being in her Guatemala mommy’s belly and we will talk about why mommy cannot have babies and the many reasons her mother could not take care of her. Angelica is so open and content with everything I’ve thrown at her, it amazes me. I enjoy turning the tables by asking her how she feels, thinks and understands about her adoption. This helps me to understand whether or not she is ‘hearing’ what I am throwing at her. These are *our* special, intimate moments that I truly treasure. It’s not often that the subject of her first family comes up but when it does I jump at the opportunity to be open and honest about *her* adoption. It’s these moments that adoptive parent’s must take advantage of!

The last thing I want people to think is that adoption talk comes easy to me, let me assure you it does NOT by any means. I’ve done tons of research (even as of last night I was on the Internet searching,) spoke to many adoptees‘ and have come to the realization that honesty is the best. I do get tongue tide a lot by some of her questions and, at times, I have no idea how to answer so I tell her I need to think about it and then I get back to her after I’ve had some time to process her question and the answer I am giving. I continuously struggle with adoption talk…not knowing if I am saying or doing the right thing. I so wish it came easy to me but it honestly does not. Sometimes I worry that I am being to bluntly honest (and there are several things I have not told her because it is not age appropriate) for her age but, like I said, she truly amazes me by her ability to take it as it is, smile and move on to her next task in her busy, busy, busy day.